Letting Go

I'm trying to figure out if I'm ready to let go. The last couple of days I really have felt that I am. I haven't engaged in any of my ED behaviors, I've been making a conscious effort to push aside negative and self-critical thoughts, and I've been so much happier. But at the same time it's like giving up the security blanket your grandma made for you when you were a baby - you know that you could live without it, but it's so much nicer to have it around just in case you need it. Today was one of those "just in case" days. Things seemed to be going well and then all of a sudden I was like, "man, I really need to binge right now." I hate that feeling. I never know quite what to do with it. I'm not going to binge right now, but it's taking a lot of effort to keep things in check. That said, I can't wait to really have let go of this, to get to the point where I don't feel like I need to binge because I have other coping mechanisms in place. Yeah. "Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured." I want to enjoy life and not just endure it.