Mission Accomplished

I did it. I thought positively all day (or at least for the majority of the day). Having to consciously push aside bad thoughts made me realize that I spend WAY too much time comparing myself to others and obsessing and being anxious. Life isn't supposed to be miserable all the time, "men [and women, might I add] are that they might have joy." It was so much easier to be in a better mood and be happier about myself when I was constantly reassuring myself that "it doesn't matter what everybody else looks like," "it's just food" (which isn't as easy to believe as people without EDs might think), and "people care about you but they don't care about what you're eating." My ultimate test was to buy myself a milkshake at the end of the day. I love milkshakes, but I hate buying them because I get so nervous and I feel like the whole world is watching. It took me three attempts of going into the store to be successful. The first two I tried on my own and I would get in the store and see how many people where in there getting food and then I'd get all panicky and have to leave. Finally, I texted one of my friends and was just like, "I need to buy a milkshake and I can't do it by myself." My is fantastic, so of course she came along and was so proud that I was able to do it. And so was I :) It was nice to enjoy a milkshake without beating myself up about it.

To end I just want to let everyone know that group therapy is wonderful. Three new girls joined my group today and it was just so positive and reaffirming and motivational. It's so therapeutic to share things with people who understand how your brain is working, who understand your obsessions, and who are feeling similar things to you. I know sometimes group will be a downer - it just depends on what kind of a day everyone is having - or I won't be able to relate to what someone has said, but just going there and sharing what I'm going through is a big step in itself, and something to be proud of.